The Difference of Goodbye

I guess, it's just been two months since I posted my blog about the 5 Elements on how to keep a relationship but I guess I, myself, didn't live up that elements. Just more than a week when my fairy tale halted. Wow! A week was very fast and I didn't noticed the time running. In this long, struggling week, I have to ponder somethings in my mind to fully understand "what went wrong". After sharing some of my thoughts and listening to some stories and various advice from the people I trust and learnt to trust, I have realized that there's a HUGE difference between "Let's break up" and "Let's take our time first".

GOODBYE. What does this really mean? There's a lot of ways to say goodbye. Friendly, casual, formal, hurtful and happy. For couples, this is one of the most hated words. A normal dialog when the relationship is on its end. But what are the real reasons why we always have to say goodbye? 

I DON'T KNOW.

I dreamed of a long relationship with him. I wished that we will be as happy as the other couples that I have known who made their relationships last the longer they planned it. I guess we're not "yet" meant for that stuff. What is really goodbye for us? Goodbye for our relationship? For both of us? Or for the mutual feeling? I realized that we were made for each other but we are in a wrong timing. A week ago, we decided to end our relationship. We decided to say goodbye to the MUTUAL FEELING and stay as good friends. (A typical fan fiction scenario...). It was hard. For a girl like me, I have to cry out all the hurt and sadness that have been bottled up since the day that our relationship went on a rocking ship. My bolster have to suffer the wetness and absorb all those painful tears while I can still manage to text and chat on Facebook. (A typical Internet addict...) I have to muffle my cries so my parents won't hear me and bug me to talk to them about what happened. After a short break up, he manage to say:

                           "Who told you we are over? We are going to stay as friends, right? Friends?

                                     You are such an wonderful person, if you only knew that."

Okay, that made me bawl my eyes out again. 12:59 when he said good night. Awkward because there's no I love you after that, ANYMORE. What makes it worst is that I am acting as an adviser to one of my friends about his "love life". Now, I feel what my fairy godmother feels. Thanks to Gandang Gabi Vice, I became a total bipolar freak. After crying endlessly, moments later I was laughing heartily which is a very DRASTIC change.

On the next day that I woke up, first thing that came into my mind is that no one will ever say "Good morning gwapz, I love you." which is a very sad reality. I kept myself busy with my work and day by day I learnt to love this profession. I told my story to a friend and surprisingly I didn't spill a tear actually I was smiling when I was telling her the story. I was also giving her sometimes a forced smile when I can't bear the pain of reality and a heavy sigh helps me to breathe again normally. Well, maybe ACCEPTANCE will take his role now.

We indeed need time for ourselves. We are just young adults. So why rush? We have all the time in this world. God paused this love story for a while, for us to ponder if we do love each other as significant other or just friends or siblings. We need to find and settle ourselves first, and maybe SOMEDAY our time will come. Maybe not with each other but with the persons that will love us truly. (;_;) It's a happy ending. But as of the moment I settle myself assuming and hoping that he will still be the one. If I will fall in love again, I pray that it would be with him because this separation made me love him more. I know that. Because my heart still keep beating for him and already embedded and embossed his name on the biggest part of it.

I'm glad that my friends are looking into the possibility that we will find each other again. Meeting and talking to him the other day makes me feel that nothing big has changed. Except for the intimacy as lovers. The random laughs, teasing, my abrupt slapping on the different parts of the body and the talks really showed that  he doesn't want to lose me as a person and a friend. But I can't avoid being jealous with the person he texts and chats in the FB. But that is not my right anymore, so I have to brush off the feeling though it is hard as a rock.

Hug~! That was all I want but I didn't have the urge to do it since I don't want any awkwardness at all....

I guess I've really dated a celebrity, like all the fanfics that I have read. maybe God has all the plans. We just have to follow it.

I AM A HAPPY SINGLE LADY NOW. (happy but lonely...)